Lifegiver

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I spend my time. Why exactly do some people seem to be able to do so much and I am not doing anything the way I want to. (Now before you start making excuses for me, the reality is that I really don't get anywhere near my ideals.) I have been analyzing myself because I want to find the root cause of it. We are very complex and I'm sure I'll never even scratch the surface of understanding myself but I think one factor is that I don't really feel like I can find the balance between necessity and excessiveness. For instance, I rightly concern myself with what is taking up the space in my mind so if find myself obsessing about house decorating, I turn it off, but then I have little motivation for beauty in my home (ie. messy bathroom because even when it's clean it's ugly).  Or maybe take whole food; I obsess about healthy foods, going to several different stores in a week, pouring over recipes or books but then I realize that this is taking FAR too much of my time and mind space that I kind of give-up and feed my children cereal for breakfast and hot dogs for dinner (oh the horrors!!).

So then I ask, what should I be thinking about and spending my time doing? Very good question, and one that I God hasn't entirely answered for me, but this I do know: I have a specific and important role to fill.

I have been reading an ebook, 31 Days to Clean (http://31daystoclean.com/), which isn't really about cleaning but about the Mary/Martha thing. She talks about how women are lifegivers -"raising life above the level of mere existence".  God calls us as women to be life givers; to bring beauty to our families. Maybe when I focus on that goal rather than any single aspect my role will become more clear. Instead of waiting to see what my next obsession is I should go toward that.